Fuck You Zindagi (life)

As a naïve knowledge seeker I came across the ruthlessness of life and so I run away to the wild where I find my peace in collecting berries, building leaf houses and catching butterflies. I do miss human interaction but I don’t have to pretend anymore, I now am a mannequin of my own choice – I can freeze or move, my logics are concrete now. Everything falls into place; my memories behold me and drag me often to the city that stands across the hill.

I seamlessly want to enter the void following the visible smoke, totally vanishing into oblivion. The evils in the Pandora box could be alive or dead but as long as I am told that I am alive, I need to smoke up the reality and get stoned till infinity. Here, my oblivious world of finite thoughts is crippled and insipid because some real thoughts are frequent passers-by.

We spend hours thinking about the ultimate motive in life – the so called ultimate truth, rendering around secret societies of sarcasm, procrastination, weighing humanity, analyzing profanity and integrating languages, geometry and poetry together. Apparently, the more one searches come closer to the truth but as the velocity becomes zero, the speed never decelerates. And when one rests or loses hope, what we see becomes reality, – ‘the so called ultimate truth’.


Courtesy: pinterest

“Main apni Shadi main na jayu, meri marzi” – this line stole my heart when I heard it for the first time, the concept in magnificent and pardon me when I compare it to the classic ‘Catcher in the Rye’ feeling. I know the comparison is catastrophic but don’t you think there is a vague similarity in the gist – basically the right to choose for yourself. We encounter many moral dilemmas, those that fall in the grey zone – there is no right or wrong. Certain situations exhibit confused minds traveling between one extreme pole to the other. And accepting that you are a pole dancer who is clueless about the next move makes you a naive seducer; the one who is constantly after cynical schizophrenic accomplishments. Even if mentally you achieve it, you lose the curve via which you reached your destination. The accomplishments remain a state of mind. The curve also remains a state of mind but a legitimate one.

In any case, whatever you choose leaves you with the curious mind asking – what if I would have chosen the other option? And in mind, it licks you just a little bit above your senses of realization.

The only thing I understand is that I will consume life as it comes to me, I will go with the flow without any pre defined notions;

I am the one who knocks – ‘Fuck You Zindagi (life)’.


Life In Colors

By Anuja Sachdeva

The play of shadows and lights is intensive and it reaches the psyche in its purest form. Shadows contain embryonic and enclosed potential of all kinds. Darkness and light co-create and co-exist. Every color has an emotional belongingness. Delayering the folds of this enclosed space exposes us to the immense scope of expanding our horizons.

Anuja Sachdeva Hidden BeautyPrice Rs.45,000

Hidden Beauty

Anuja’s Story 

Anuja rediscovered herself when she met an accident, although she was into designing always. She got into painting to kill time as she wasn’t able to walk due to her broken leg.  What started as an activity soon got polished with professional finesse. With great acceptance, she joined the art world and is now exploring her newly acquired skill.

The Art Palate, The Club, D.N Nagar, Andheri West, Mumbai
1- 30 June, 2017
11am – 9pm

Anuja Sachdeva True Love Rs 70,000

The Curious Case of Lost and Found –

The Story of My Great Grand Mother

Even if the wrinkles have transformed your caricature, and white hair has camouflaged your structure like a thread like snow cover, the beauty of growing older with your heart growing younger is something beyond the horizon; an unexplainable experience of being mature and childish at the same time. Only one thing comes to our minds while chatting with our grandparents – ‘It is beautiful to grow old, the only thing you need to sustain the beauty is to be happy’.

That reminds us of these lines from the song ’Dil to Bacha hai Jee’.

“Umar kab ki baras ke safaid ho gayi
Kaari badari jawani ki chatt ti nahi

Dil to bacha hai ji”

– Gulzar

My Great Grandmother (My mother’s Dadi) was no different, she was a character straight from a Bengali novel – always draped in a serene white sari she would carry her own utensils and pooja items.  She would accompany her grandchildren in reading at night, just by sitting at the corner of the room with a lamp burning alongside. Her pure bright aura was profoundly sensitive to love.  She relished the emotional bonds with all her loved ones.

Although, she was one of the cleanest of the souls wandering this earth, she had to go through hard times that changed the course of her life. While coming back from her daughter’s place from Bengaluru to Jabalpur, Madhya Pradesh, she lost her way and ended up wandering without knowing any local languages, as she could only speak Bengali. She was made to sit in the ladies coach and a male colleague of her daughter was supposed to help her change the train in Allahabad, who was traveling in the same train but in a different coach. The person responsible fell asleep and the coaches were separated. Who would ever know that such a trivial mistake could become disastrous for her?

Finding herself in the middle of nowhere she was baffled and shocked. She somehow analysed that following the rail track would help her reach home. So, day and night it was the railway tracks that she kept on following. She reached Itarsi(M.P), i.e around 234 kms from Jabalpur, but the walking took over her mental and physical health. Children who played on the tracks mistook her as a mentally unstable old lady and had hit her with stones. Fully drained of energy she met an affectionate  middle aged couple who lived by the railway tracks.


They provided her with the life’s essentials and asked her about her family. She would eat only fruits because eating cooked food at someone else’s place was forbidden for widows. Days passed by and nothing happened. One day, while talking about something else they came to know that she used to live in Jabalpur.

Meanwhile, my grandfather’s family held themselves responsible for the incident. But in 1966, one couldn’t post the videos online or wassapp images to make the search convenient. The only ray of hope was to believe in fate. When the couple brought her back to the city, she started remembering the landmarks and met my grandfather’s friends in a factory who knew her. That was the moment to rejoice, could meet her family and love her grandchildren again.

Back from a traumatic journey, she fought back like a rebel and worked hard to regain her mental strength. It was not easy for her to forget everything at once but as you say, love cures everything.

She was about 66 years when this happened but she lived up to 88 years of age to elegantly deal with her problems of old age. Sometimes, a golden kiss on the forehead, a misty touch, or just a smile is needed to make people live again and not just survive. She was fortunate to have a loving family.

But what would be our motivation when we turn 80?? Being Mortal – we need to beautify all stages of life, isn’t?

Ton Sai Beach – Art & Adventure

Your sweat drips down your face with no hindrance and your muscles stretches to the maximum – but  you give your best shot to climb the hardest of rocks – Ton Sai beach in the Southern province of Krabi, Thailand is every rock climber’s dream. One can see many climbing ropes hanging in a row on a fine day, and the voices of their effort echoes from every direction. It is mesmerizing to watch rock climbers creating their own mark on the stones untouched.

It is a place where artists, bag packers, wanderers, mountaineers, and beach lovers dwell in peace to enjoy the everlasting scenic beauty. If you stay at Railey Beach(mall peninsula between the city of Krabi and Ao Nang in Thailand), then there are two ways to reach Ton Sai – One is the Hansel Gretel Forest Walk and the other is a rocky path. While the forest route is mysterious, the rocky route is adventurous with no sign boards and one can get confused often. I suggest, one must take both the routes to imbibe the true sense of nature.

The tree houses here teleport you to the amazing forest set up of the 18th century where electricity was a farsighted thing. The vividly colored graffiti on the walls are a sign of a revolution that indicates the accumulation of think tanks at Ton Sai. People indulge in music, philosophy, painting and express themselves through different mediums.


Ton Sai is amazingly flooded with cats and insects , which shows how urbanization has taken over and claimed the spaces which truly belonged to all living beings and not only humans.




If you need a break from the monotony, and then Ton Sai is the best place to relax, climb mountains, or to enhance creativity.


How to Reach

From New Delhi

Air Asia Fligts Till Krabi, Thailand

Take a cab till Aao Nang, Long Tail boats or ships can take you to Ton Sai

Love and ‘Other Factor’

Many have died and went insane, many have lost their hearts in vain, and many have scribbled on walls, or have cut their wrists. The lower class hard working love, the middle class struggling love and the elite elegant love; they all have to go through the same bridge of ego, narcissism, adjustments and criticism.

Tied across two egos, if the thread of love is constantly shaking then it may not be the right tempo to tremble, and you may decide to move on in search of the right tempo. Now the question is lucidly straight – how do you find the right tempo, so that you can absorb the tremors and enjoy the vibrations?  And when you keep moving you are deemed to find the right rhythm, now you are just left to do the mixing to please your love.

The pseudo intellectual ‘love’ doesn’t know that everything around it is imaginary – the maniac doesn’t understand the hypocrisy-

“I have to be independent but mutually.”

“I have to be decisive but have to consider you in every decision.”

“I can deceive you, but you cannot do it.”

“I can hear the truth; your ears are too weak”

The greatest verses in love have people making poetic claims, the wordsmiths have made it a royal phenomena and and poets/poetess have celebrated it with decorations and vibrant colors from ages. ‘Love’ has been pushed to the highest pedestal and all other emotions are treated like step children.

The love described above is the general presumption, but there are some kinds of love with the ‘other factor’ where love is interconnected with other emotions, where it is not the sole credit winner but the step emotions climb the ladder simultaneously.

Here are some couples with ‘The Other factor’ prominently holding a place of honour in a relationship.


Source : Axfashion

Abuse: Joker & Harley Quinn (characters from DC comics)

They are the most abusive couple, Jocker tries to kill Harley when he starts feeling attracted to her. Every bit of insanity they have, binds them together and they kill each other’s sanity. Joker can be fully devoted to her, become caring and all; but the overdose rots him from inside and to neutralize everything he has to abuse or brainwash her.


Source: Khan Academy

Open Marriage : Frida Kahlo & Diego Rivera (Kahlo was Mexican painter who married Diego )

Long before the concept existed, they passionately loved each other but had multiple affairs. Frida was bisexual and Diego loved only women, but this never interrupted their passionate love.

Kahlo quotes :

“I cannot speak of Diego as my husband because that term, when applied to him, is an absurdity. He never has been, nor will he ever be, anybody’s husband. I also cannot speak of him as my lover because to me, he transcends by far the domain of sex. And if I attempt to speak of him purely, as a soul, I shall only end up by painting my own emotions.”

Alter –Ego: Dominique & Howard Roark (Characters from Ayn Rand’s novel Fountain Head)


Source: Anonymous

When people are insanely alike, they cannot get together too well. Dominique understood Howard’s creativity but she didn’t want him to waste it on the worthless society, and so she wanted to destroy him. On the other hand, Roark didn’t care about society and kept on creating master pieces.


Source : moviepilot

Sapiosexual : Sherlock Holmes & Irene Adler (Characters from Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes stories)

Holmes brain is trained to think faster and deduce logic, he had never fallen in love because he never encountered a girl with whom he can relate his intelligence. Irene was the only lady one who befooled Holmes and thus he was unquestionably attracted towards her.

Movies That Came Ahead of Their Time

Here is a list of movies that we think would have done much better if released later –


Pyaasa: The whole concept of existentialism was dug and presented in the soulful song of the movie “Yeh Duniya agar mil bhijaein to kya hai”. The words of Sahir Ludhianvi transcribes Guru Dutt’s tragic take on this materialistic world that repels soulful emotions. Pyaasa (The Thirsty Poet) runs after recognition and spiritual fulfillment. Waheeda Rehman plays a prostitute who admires his work and helps him in getting his poems published. The lead character played by Dutt is a poet who understands in depth emotions and can truly express the same through his words, but rejected by publishers, his family and the love of his life, he becomes a man of self pity. The narcissism in him takes a front seat. Although a box office hit, we say that the film came much ahead of its time because it was an experimental movie that explicitly exhibited the many aspects of human behavior and possibly the audience was not ready then to take in so much at once.


JhankarBeats: “Boss Kaun Tha, Malum Hai Kya” – Remixing of the old classics with the western beats is what the title stands for.  The different sides of relationships among friends, family and lovers were given a different treatment and simultaneously the film is a fine tribute to the maestro of music – ‘R. D Burman’. The dialogues are witty and real with a cast unforgettable – Juhi Chawla, Rahul Bose, Sanjay Suri, Rinke Khanna, ShayanMunshi, and Rinke Khanna. By integrating the sub-plots of the movie that refers to a nagging mother in law, a frustrated wife, a condom ad and a lover who cannot confess, the filmmakers never tried hard to take away the third world problems and keeping it real – the three male protagonists are after winning the competition called ‘Jhankar Beats’, which is not in any way equivalent to ‘the Grammy’ but is important to them just because ‘it is’.


Ijaazat: Who could have ever thought of capturing the complexities of relations with such ease and beauty! Characters are not complaining and their silences are audible. Journey from the waiting room’s darkness to the past life and back to the waiting room was a graceful poetry in itself by “Gulzar Saab”. Maya’s (Anuradha Patel) character -that too in the era of 80’s was even unthinkable. She is the flowing poetry of the movie. She was the beautiful crazy spirit who balanced the abnormal society, even her death signified her radical lifestyle. When Sudha (Rekha) returns Maya’s belongings to her, she enticingly and emotionally asks her unforgettable moments back – ‘MeraKuchSaman ‘- the ultimate amalgamation of lyrics, music and singing for Gulzar, R D Buraman and Asha Bhonsle which can be never resurrected. The mature subject was delicately handled. This movie enhanced Rekha’s elegance and Naseeruddin’s individuality as a person.

Even the ending, when Sudha asks Mahinder for his permission to leave, gives it a perfect start(for a new life)’Ijazat’ to leave him forever (this time). We say, Ijaazat came before its time because Maya’s eccentricity, Mahinder’s interpersonal struggle and Sudha’s mature outlook towards life was too much to take in for the audience then.


Dor: It released way before ‘Angry Indian Goddesses’ and claimed feminism in its most simple form. The bond between Gul Panag and Ayesha Takia disregards the popular notion that only boys can be friends, rather friendship as a concept is far more superior to gender, and no matter what gender, one can get motivated to spend some quality time with the other person, irrespective of any reason. This movie based on the lives of two women is intricately woven around overcoming adversity. Released in 2006, the movie was critically acclaied but was unable to drive audiences to the theaters as subtle feminist themes were still unheard of.


‘My Brother Nilkhil’: It was the path breaking film when the mainstream cinema was all about love triangles and romance. Director Onir decided to experiment with the concept of homosexuality and AIDS. With no over sensationalization, the film delayers itself from different angles – how one thing or ailment can change people’s attitude towards you. The movie came as a ray of hope in the country where everything and anything unknown becomes a taboo. However, if the movie was released today, it might have gained a lot more viewership than it  had upon its release in 2005.


Monsoon Wedding: Aptly showcasing the madness of the Indian weddings, this movie was way ahead of its time when it released in 2001. The movie has around 5 subplots running simultaneously- a bride still hung up on her lover, a groom who does not know what to expect out of marriage, budding romance of the wedding contractor (an amazing Vijay Raaz), a struggling father-son relationship, a crumbling husband-wife relationship, younger cousins flirting with each other and most importantly, child abuse. The subplot involving Shefali Shah and Rajat Kapoor was wonderfully handled and went on to show how child abuse is a common reality, we do not want to face. With the subtle movies like ‘Kapoor & Sons’ winning the box office, this movie would be a definite success if released today.


maxresdefaultSocha Na Tha: This is the most realistic a romantic comedy ever got in India. No virtuous or perfect characters, totally confused protagonists and essentially, no villains or big dispute keeping the lovers apart. It is only the confusion they themselves created that lands them in a mess and both the protagonists actually end up hurting a few people in their quest for love.This is perhaps the first movie in which lovers are not cocksure about whom they love, the importance their lives and family. The debut movie of Imtiaz Ali, this one might have struck a chord with the audience now rather than a decade before when characters were largely black and white.


Lamhe: The bravest movie by Yash Chopra ever! A young woman falling for an older man who was actually smitten by the girl’s mother. The topic itself is a taboo in India where woman taking charge of their own sexuality is unacceptable, the people with younger partners are frowned upon. Even ‘Dil Chahta Hai’, released a decade later, which had a subplot of a young man falling for an older woman, took the safe path wherein the old woman does not reciprocate the man’s love and conveniently dies before the situation needs to become social. Yash Chopra on the other hand makes the protagonists battle their social and moral issues, involves the friends and families in this hot mess of a relationship and gives us a movie which is perhaps still ahead of its time.


No Smoking: The Kafkaesque movie featuring John Abraham and Ayesha Takia might be the most abstract project by Anurag Kashyap. There is no time space continuum, the line between reality and fantasy is blur and there is a hell like place resembling the concentration camps. As per Kashyap’s own version, smoking in the movie is akin to freedom of thought. The wife (secretory in fantasy/ alternate reality) wants ‘K’- the protagonist to stop smoking and ropes in Baba Bengali to make him quit smoking. As per Wikipedia, “the film has an unusual storyline comprising with elements of surrealism, fantasy, dream, reality, horror and dark humour which left critics and the cinema-goers baffled, this was frowned upon by Indian audiences, as it was unconventional, pretentious and they had never seen anything like it.”


JaaneBhi Do Yaaro: A cult classic, this movie bombed at the box office when it released back in 1983. However, it has gained a tremendous fan following in the later years and is considered one of the best movies in Indian Cinema. A black comedy on Indian politics, media and corruption, this movie boasted of an extraordinary ensemble cast with unforgettable performances by Naseeruddin Shah, Ravi Baswani and Bhakti Bhave. How can anyone forget the hilarious Mahabharata scene towards the climax which had a Wodehouse like innocence to it? And maybe that’s what lifts the movie above the ordinary – the courage to laugh at ourselves. Re-released in 2012, it received an enthusiastic response from the fans.


Love Sex AurDhokha (LSD): Released in 2010, LSD is an experimental movie shot entirely on digicam and presented in the found footage style. There are 3 largely unrelated short stories on the themes of ‘Love’, ‘Sex’ and ‘Dhokha’ in the movie. The themes of the stories involve honor killings, voyeurism, modern day relationships, media ethics and moral values. The themes as well as presentation of the movie is extremely dark. The typical Indian cine-goer still sees the movies as a form of escape and might not be able to digest such a big dose of reality in a movie. An important film nonetheless, which will leave you thinking for days.

Love Letter To Gulzar Saab

I vividly remember the Sunday when I was jumping and singing

“Jangal jangal baat chali hai pata chala hai

Chhaddi pehen ke phool khila hai phool khila hai”

And my parents thought that I was just making up the second line, they didn’t believe me, till they actually heard the song on television. I think that was my first encounter with you and your magical words, I innocently fell in love with the way you so subtly and simply juxtapose the words in your sentences. If you happen to be with me that time, I would have happily shared my ‘Kiss Me’ bar with you that I used to get from my grandfather, after his long walks. I never missed Mogli and I made sure that I never miss the title track too.

An average student from a middle class family, I wasn’t surrounded with any unique literary element, and I was never introduced to the world of literature other than what I read in my course books, not that I had any encounter with the “Dead Poet’s Society”, but as I  was growing up, your songs started marking my mind innately. Each and every word of yours felt like mild susurrations, whispers, or a blow of fresh air. I started craving and searching for more.

Those days I wasn’t well equipped with internet, so during long classes I would ask my friend to write down your songs for me.  I still have the dairy where I dared to steal your words to preserve them in ink; I could wait for a life time for those words to come out from the well wrapped pages of the diary and flow rhythmically around me. And If I happen to cross you then I would intentionally let my diary fall –

“Kitabe maangne, girne uthane ke bahane rishte bante the”

I was surprised that there could be so many beautiful ways of saying the same thing. I was naive and ignorant, but you brought sensibility, love, anger, sorrow and every other possible emotion to my life. And I want to grow old with these feelings; I want the lines on my wrinkled face to reflect a life that was full of emotions.

“Dil to Bachcha hai Ji, Thoda Kachhaha iji”

Discussing your songs with my friends became my favorite topic of discussion. Your poetry appears fascinating to a layman like me and to critics who look to decipher the depth of it. Your words capture all my emotions and induce a beauty in them. It gives me sense of fullness, inertia and a battery backup for emergencies.

College days will forever be – “Copy ke panno jaise, jahan din palatte honge”,

Missing someone is “Tere bina zindagi bhi lekin zindagi to nahi”,

The sorrow that’s incurable is “Dil agar hai to dard bhi hoga, iska koi nahi ha hal shayad”,

Blissfulness of daily life is “Ek hi khwab kai baar dekha hai maine”

And what fun is praising a sexy woman by simply calling her hot; it has to be “Doodh ka ubaal hai”.

Proposing someone is “Takiye chaadar mehke rehtein hai, jo tum gaye, tumhari khusboo soongha karenge hum”

 And I cannot possibly feel the pain but it gives me goose bumps, every time I listen to “Yaad hai Barisho Ke Din Pancham”.

 Through one of the discussions when I came to know that your song, Satrangi Re is based on the seven stages of love, I felt enlightened and spirited as if it was the key to open the box of wisdom. And I was equally amazed when I found out that you used Gulmohar to signify love and blood both, in the song from ‘Omkara’:“Jag Ja ree Gudiya …………..tera bichauna, bhar bhar ke  daaru, gulmohar ka tokra”

I would have never imagined ‘Chand’ in so many forms, if it wasn’t because of your songs. As Saba Bashir has explicitly written in her book I swallowed the Moon’ that you perceive moon differently every time – “if it is a fifty-paisa coin, it is a bundle of clothes as well”. And moon was never the same for me either, it was the symbol of beauty (Chand ki bindi wali ratiyan), it was waiting (kuch chand ke rath to guzre the, par chand se koi utra nahi), it was the symbol of dreams (kabhi kabhi aas paas chand rehta hai) and it was love itself (Kya chand aur zameen me bhi koi khichaav hai!).

I so wish I could hold your hand and take a walk on a moonlit night where you can tell me about the different forms and I could just listen to you without even a blink. I so wish to become an invisible soul who can just observe you, when you write, sitting calmly, in your white shimmering kurta. I so wish to go for an astral projection when I shut my eyes and start listening to your recitations. I so wish to go through your personal notes that you pen down in Urdu. And once in my life, I so wish to go through your collection of books.

I wanted to be like Maya from your film ‘Ijazzat’, that you so perfectly sketched, I don’t even think she was human but poetry in motion .She was the beautiful crazy spirit who balanced the abnormal society. And if I were Maya, then I wouldn’t be writing you a letter but only poems. If I were Maya I would ask you to buy me some moments of belongingness, if I were Maya I would draw your sketch with your words and send it to you. But Alas! I am not- and I still don’t have the courage to become bohemian but deep inside I know that my heart belongs to everywhere I can go.

I would say that I love you only for your written word, but there is so much more. That voice which induces music to most mundane of utterings. Once I hear anything in your voice, I cannot read it or think of it in any other voice. Be it “Kitaabein   jhhankti  hai band almariyon ke sheeshon se” or “Wo bheeg rahi hai baarish me aur aag logi hai paani me” or “kisi mausam ka jhonka tha jo iss deewar par latki huyi tasveer tirchhi kar gaya hai”

Then is your sensibility towards the issues like patriotism, war, religion and riots (Lakeerein hain, to rehne do, Kisi ne rooth kar gusse mein shaayad khainch di thi..inhiko ab banao paala, aur aao, kabbadi khelte hain). Rarely has there been a more mature and sensible approach towards the topic and this increased my respect towards you manifolds.

Gulzaar Saab – I can go on writing about all the revelations, I came across because of you, your efforts to translate legends like Amrita Pritam and Tagore, the biography of Ghalib, your work on the despair of partition, your poems on Women Empowerment “Kitni Tarah Mai Jakdi Gayi”

but just one thing that I specifically want to confess –

“Mukhtsar Si Baat Hai, Tumse Pyaar Hai”