As a naïve knowledge seeker I came across the ruthlessness of life and so I run away to the wild where I find my peace in collecting berries, building leaf houses and catching butterflies. I do miss human interaction but I don’t have to pretend anymore, I now am a mannequin of my own choice – I can freeze or move, my logics are concrete now. Everything falls into place; my memories behold me and drag me often to the city that stands across the hill.
I seamlessly want to enter the void following the visible smoke, totally vanishing into oblivion. The evils in the Pandora box could be alive or dead but as long as I am told that I am alive, I need to smoke up the reality and get stoned till infinity. Here, my oblivious world of finite thoughts is crippled and insipid because some real thoughts are frequent passers-by.
We spend hours thinking about the ultimate motive in life – the so called ultimate truth, rendering around secret societies of sarcasm, procrastination, weighing humanity, analyzing profanity and integrating languages, geometry and poetry together. Apparently, the more one searches come closer to the truth but as the velocity becomes zero, the speed never decelerates. And when one rests or loses hope, what we see becomes reality, – ‘the so called ultimate truth’.
“Main apni Shadi main na jayu, meri marzi” – this line stole my heart when I heard it for the first time, the concept in magnificent and pardon me when I compare it to the classic ‘Catcher in the Rye’ feeling. I know the comparison is catastrophic but don’t you think there is a vague similarity in the gist – basically the right to choose for yourself. We encounter many moral dilemmas, those that fall in the grey zone – there is no right or wrong. Certain situations exhibit confused minds traveling between one extreme pole to the other. And accepting that you are a pole dancer who is clueless about the next move makes you a naive seducer; the one who is constantly after cynical schizophrenic accomplishments. Even if mentally you achieve it, you lose the curve via which you reached your destination. The accomplishments remain a state of mind. The curve also remains a state of mind but a legitimate one.
In any case, whatever you choose leaves you with the curious mind asking – what if I would have chosen the other option? And in mind, it licks you just a little bit above your senses of realization.
The only thing I understand is that I will consume life as it comes to me, I will go with the flow without any pre defined notions;
I am the one who knocks – ‘Fuck You Zindagi (life)’.